Passage to Manhood

What do the Epic of Gilgamesh, the Iliad, the story of King David, and Les Miserables have in common? Each of these grand accounts is listed as one of Time Magazine’s top ten stories of all time, because each follows a young adolescent throughout his journey to become a bona fide man. The journey is essential. Like the rituals of tribal nations and the marriages of primitive civilizations, every character embodies the symbolic passage from childhood to the world of men as he embarks on a visionary quest to discover himself and return as a complete being.

Members of the male sex, you too must become men. When pondering the qualities you share with these historic giants - other than bulging calves and a luscious beard - you must first take into account several qualifying elements that define the very essence of manhood.

1. Act honorably. I’d like to skip straight to humorous links and possibly an embedded YouTube video of outrageous, manly facial hair, but this common trait of true men around the world is far more important than such trivial issues. If you wish to pursue such lofty aims as unadulterated manhood, I suggest you begin here. Honor, or honesty, fairness, and integrity, is as essential to authentic gentlemen as a healthy dose of testosterone. Even oral traditions from eras long silent identify a man’s intrinsic worth with his word (the verbal representation of fidelity.) In today’s culture, honor is a word not spoken often enough and one rarely dwelt upon. Semper Fi.

2. Do not bathe. Be hygienic, but stick to the shower. How many baths does it take to emasculate a member of our community? Judging from the pruned condition of the skin and presence of conditioner in the bubble bath – one. A quick shower is infinitely more fulfilling than soaking in so-called self-indulgent comfort. Lavender, whether a scent or a color, should never be a part of your daily routine.

3. Make sacrifices. Anyone can take the wide road to praise; it takes true character to give up selfish ambitions. Do women value more a man with an apartment that smells of rich mahogany or the man who sacrifices his life for his country? Sure, if they could have both, no decision would be necessary, but men rarely come in such variety. Do not give up total control, but always remember to defend the weak. At the very least, giving up yourself for a lady friend during an intense game of Risk will display your true values.

4. Develop a robust vocabulary. Men should never use words like “outfit” or “fabulous”; instead, describe things (especially clothing) with timeless terms like “cool” and “great”.These adjectives may be simple, but simple is efficient. Word choice can convey a surprisingly vast range of implications and you want to send the manliest of these. Furthermore, upgrading your vocal expressions to include “resilient”, “torque”,  “Favre”, and the like will change the way you relate to others and the way you view yourself.

5. Finally, be courageous. When there’s a roach on the floor, kill it. If there’s a heavy box to lift, move it. When a lady enters the room, bravely relinquish your seat for the floor. Culture tells us to go with the safest option, but where’s the honor in that? If you spend your days cowering in fear, you will become the Buster Bluth of society and kiss your dreams goodbye.

In short - Go for the gold.

Olympians never stop at the silver medal, and Shaun White isn’t satisfied with a second place game. The USA never aims for anything else, and neither should you. Glory, splendor, honor, and magnificence – gentlemen this is your goal. True, the essence of manhood lies in many secrets, but you must commence somewhere. Starting with these five rules, build a mindset that is focused on taking charge. Men, by simply initiating your search you will immediately distinguish yourself from the endless crowds of lackluster, broken-hearted, effeminate, lip-glossed, soy-drinking adolescents that currently define our sex.

Godspeed,

MOTMB