Staying Razor-Sharp

A battle seethes within the very veins of humankind.

Our fight began the day we first bought a razor, and it will continue until the day we buy the last. Men engage in an innate struggle against the corporate giants, physical terrors, commercial traps, and emotional reality. In the worst scenarios, we encounter and must conquer several of these dodgy obstacles - say emotion and materialism - in chorus. Under such duress, it is tempting to develop an “us versus them” mentality. Brethren everywhere withdraw to their respective man-caves, cut relational ties, and reinforce what they deem as ever so important contact with the Xbox 360 and 1080p reality.

This is the wrong reaction. Though everything may seem simpler in a world where you can breathe fire and defuse weapons of mass destruction, you will incur severe social debilitation. While you may incapacitate your virtual enemies, fast-forming habits are rapidly incapacitating you.

What can you do to stay razor-sharp? For starters, instead of cranking up your surround sound and stocking up on Code Red, you must learn some man-skills to assist in your navigation of the wiles of the world. If you do not, you will end up with this guy’s love life and Morgan Spurlock’s lifespan. Regardless, taking after them and serving a girl Mountain Dew and Golden Grahams will effectively destroy any chances you have, even when the odds are in your favor. The MOTMB are here to assist you in training to turn your emotional, physical, and corporate game around. Learn these lifelong habits and before you know it, you will encounter success in the workplace, the wilderness, and society.

1. First, realize when enough is enough. Vital? Infinitely so. Whether you are charming a lady, applying cologne, or quantifying the amount of purple in your wardrobe, the rule remains appropriate. It’s simple, yet often overlooked. Nobody likes the incessant flirt with enough scent to fill the women’s department at Macy’s. Don’t apply too much seasoning to a Kobe beef burger and don’t wear excessive man jewelry.

2. Read. Women find nothing more attractive than a man who can reference Shakespeare, Rousseau, and Proverbs in the same sentence. More importantly, thinking about more than your immediate surroundings will change your life dramatically. Try taking a hiatus from the usual routine in favor of a few pages of intellectual discourse – both your mind and your female admirers will approve.

3. Develop your cooking ability. A man who knows his way around the kitchen is one with the ability to charm a lady, fend off hunger, and impress his friends. It is for you to decide which of these is more valuable, but I think that all men will agree that each has substantial value. Culinary ability works wonders in nearly every situation; simultaneously build your palate and social talent.

4. Engage your aesthetic appreciation in a masculine manner. Art and beauty are incessantly misconstrued in modern culture as feminine and foppish by nature. Do not let this lie hinder your exploration of creative expression; fine art takes talent and developing a working understanding of the basics is well worth your time.

5. Drink coffee. Let’s face it, 60% of dates involve Starbucks, and nothing says weakling like a Vanilla Bean Frappuchino. If your accompanying female is ordering a more robust blend of caffeine than you, something is wrong. As opportunities arise, sample strong coffee and learn to love it.

6. Lengthen your attention span. Once upon a time, we were all infants plagued by the inability to focus for more than eleven seconds. However, at this point in our lives, we should have surpassed the intellect of the mighty goldfish. If you can hold conversation, you’re on your way to victory.

7. Learn to shoot a gun. This is an essential rite of manhood. This is constantly referenced on nearly every list of manly skills because it is a necessary release of testosterone. It makes the MOTMB’s list because it puts hair on your chest and deepens your voice. It's as simple as that.

Your relationship you’re your Xbox is a dead end, and, if you are honest with yourself, you probably already know that the twelve packs of soda are taking years off of your life. Each of these seven skills mentioned above is a necessary facet of a functional man. Remember, societal ideal, with all its Gucci-laden glamour, is not your goal. Break their rules, set the pace, and you will win the battle.

Godspeed,

MOTMB