Men, a tale of triumph:
Yesterday I was arguing with a foolish young female freshman at my college – in the middle of class. Neither of us had any real point, except to outwit and embarrass the other. Twenty minutes after our little tiff began, the class ended, and so did our tiff. I tried to forget about the incident.
I returned to my apartment after class and got ready to go to the gym. But I knew that this brief burst of motivation wouldn’t last all the way to 23rd street. Instead, I ate a bunch of Valentines Day candy (the benefit of having secret admirers) and gazed at my already awesome muscles, while reciting in the mirror “Are you not entertained?!” I was entertained.
Anyway, I looked good. But I decided to move on, so I walked into the living area of my two-room apartment, yelled at my roommates for watching figure skating, and logged onto Facebook to see if any cute girls had “friended” me. I was disappointed. The only thing waiting for me was a red flag in my notification box. I clicked on the flag to find that the same foolish female that wasted my intellectual time during class was back for round two.
Apparently she recognized that I had won the first match, and wanted to reestablish her emotional confidence. This is basically how it went: she dissed me, I was cordial, she dissed me again, I was merciful, she tried a third time, I punished her. My comment was a well-blended cocktail of intellectual knowledge, cleverly placed personal slams, and condescension. I even threw in some philosophy and references to vector calculus for kicks. I never got a response so I guess I won.
There isn’t a moral to this story, just a rule. Men are born with the innate ability to be logical and witty. Thus, when it comes to debates, men are the house (in casino terms), and the house never loses. A female might be able to go on a run, but she can never beat the house. The only part of the house that a female really needs to worry about is the kitchen (and the laundry). Leave the business negotiations to the big boys – strike the “big.”
Note: I was just served cheese and crackers by this young lady. The universe is in order.
