Rule No. 1: Exit Strategies
Men like Jason Statham have a cardinal rule.
No, it's not driving fine cars and dating exceptional women. It doesn't even involve handguns or explosives. In fact, it's nothing more than a rather glorified variant of the age-old wisdom, "Look twice before you cross the street." Simple? Yes. Dispensable? Absolutely not.
Picture this: you're walking the streets of Tokyo at three in the morning, covered in rain and the refuse of society. As you saunter down a dark alleyway, you exude the confidence of one who does not know the dangers of such situations. However, you are fully prepared. Why? Because you looked twice before you entered the alleyway, and you'll look again before you proceed into the shadows. Men who excel at anything always have an exit strategy.
This is what Jason Bourne, the Transporter, Marines, and Joseph Smith all have in common. Each can stroll into a room without a backward glance, but they still have the uncanny ability to disappear when the time comes. As men, we must all learn how to get out of a tight situation, while preserving our honor, pride, and the occasional dinner jacket.
Flawless exit strategies can be nearly as varied as the situations that call for them, so an exhaustive approach would be nigh impossible. However, here are a few basic rules that can be applied to many situations.
1. Never enter unarmed. This is critical, because even the best strategy can be completely nullified by a lack of physical preparation. Train yourself in martial arts, bring a revolver, and pack that extra piece of gum (or garlic) for an iffy date night.
2. Break the rules. You can't get away and obey the speed limit, and you can't avoid dinner plans without calling in a few distractions. Enough said.
3. Stay cool under fire. No matter what happens, stay calm. Whether you're actually under fire or you're desperately searching for a lifeline during afternoon coffee, no one will benefit from screaming and crying. Dry those tears and don't give up.
4. The all-important wingman. Your buddy from work or a lifelong acquaintance will quickly become your best friend after he rescues you against all odds. Always keep him (or possibly her) on speed dial. Finally, make sure you don't forget them; they deserve a soda, fist bump, and even some In-N-Out burger to reward such valiant actions.
Sticking to these basics will catapult you out of the amateur arena and straight to the big leagues. Just be sure to remember one thing. Even though you've hit the big time, you're not an all-star yet; practice makes perfect, and an exit strategy is only one facet of a true man's toolkit.
Godspeed,
MOTMB
Whipped.
Rule No. 2 : Wear the Pants
This single word, spoken with disdain by men around the world, can be a catastrophic social death knell. As men, we rarely discuss our emotions or critique our relationships; we simply understand the things that aren’t voiced. When a fellow man overcomes this stigma and risks instigating tension to let you know this, the bell tolls for thee.
Now I’m not saying that you should get married with a timeline like thisguy, or you might end up with this little guy. But remember that getting whipped is the worst possible outcome of any relationship; you’re sliding down a slippery slope. Frankly, it unnerves brethren to see one of their own so subjugated.
There are many secrets to avoiding this social humiliation, but most cases can be avoided or reversed by following one simple rule.
Wear the pants.
Plain and simple, men, this is what will change your relationships from unbearable subjugation to destination salvation. So how do you avoid getting whipped? Write the following three rules on your heart and consult them whenever your significant other tries to take the lead.
1. Dress yourself. This may seem unrelated, but picture this: an upstanding man in the community arrives at a party and steps out of his car wearing a nice shirt and some classy jeans. Sounds fine, right? Wrong. Within seconds, his girlfriend and her circle of friends exit the backseat. She proceeds to describe the afternoon shopping excursion that embarked with the sole purpose of purchasing our man’s $189 designer shirt, after which, they got matching Caramel Frappuchinos. Obviously, she’s taken over his car, she’s taken over his house, and she’s definitely taken over his wallet. Game over.
2. Plan the dates. Men don’t like obligation, and we don’t like to be tied down. However, if you let your woman plan each and every date, you’ll be in a worse situation than these guys. You'll look like the woman, if you're at this point, you'll probably act like the woman, and you are in a place of grave peril.
3. Have other friends. You've seen the guys who live for their girlfriends - there is more to life than a single relationship. Stock the fridges in the man cave, have a poker night, and branch out. You do not want to be the guy who has one friend at work, a wife, and absolutely nothing else. They make movies about such pathetic souls.Regularly.
Men, don't get me wrong, men and women naturally gravitate towards each other. It's science, it's a created order, and it's how things are meant to be. However, in today's world, men all to readily give up control of their lives for a woman who doesn't actually need to be in charge.
Take a little initiative, change the dynamic of the relationship, and realize your intrinsic greatness. It can be done, it should be done; all it takes is a strong man and a little help from us.
Godspeed,
MOTMB
