The Daily Doodle

FIG. 3 - Angry Pencil Doodle

The Man Council

        "No man is an island" 
                        -John Donne


There comes a time in every man's life when he needs help. The portrait of "real men" that depicts them as lone wolves- angry and maladjusted- is wrong. Every great man surrounds himself with other great men. David had his mighty men, Jason his Argonauts, Arthur his knights.


A while ago The Men of The Man Blog published a short article on the importance of wingmen. Every man needs a wingman, this is axiomatic. Wingmen only operate in the heat of battle though. When the dust settles and Maverick walks away from his F-14 Tomcat, the wingman's job ends. The battle is over.


In those breaks between battles Man Councils are essential. A Man Council usually consists of three or four guys who give each other advice. Man Councils are usually intentional, occurring at mealtimes or during other manly activities (e.g. war movies, working out, coffee and a donut). Man Councils never happen without some other activity going on as well. Guys don't get together to just "talk." Man Councils are not support groups. They are meant to solve problems while preserving other productive undertakings.


During the Man Council there is no fixed structure for the dialogue. Structure is the fast track to disaster. Structure fosters the "support group mentality" that strangles manliness and stifles genuine conversation. Man Councils are not about "sharing," they are about finding the root of the problem and fixing it.


Some of you may say, "But, Men of The Man Blog!!! Sharing is good! It helps us expose our deepest struggles and fears."


You are wrong.


Sharing is not focused. Sharing opens the floodgates of irrelevant information, dousing listeners in a veritable torrent of emotion and psycho-babble. Man Councils are focused. One problem. One solution. One of the members doesn't know what to do. The other members pool their collective knowledge and give him an answer.


Emotion is not weakness. I hope we have made that clear on this blog. The problem is that emotion often gets in the way of problem solving. The point of a Man Council is to help a man in the thick of a problem step outside of his circumstances and view his situation objectively. Emotion can blur this objectivity and hamper the effectiveness of good advice.


David, Jason, and Arthur all needed their soldiers by their sides because they could not win their battles on their own. Nor could they have won them with just a single man at their side. Sometimes a man needs more help. Lone wolves are just that: lonely creatures that most people are scared of. If you are set on being a wolf, get a wolf pack. Surround yourself with quality gentlemen, men who know you, men who are willing to be honest with you and seek the best for you.


As the proverb says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."


I would amend this to say, "As a bench grinder sharpens iron, so a Man Council sharpens a man."


Every man needs a Man Council.

The Daily Doodle

Doodles are odd things. Even though they are a tool, good doodles can't be produced on command. A doodle must be formed and sculpted, but spontaneous at the same time. While I could parry this "doodling philosophy" into an extensive metaphor about how a man should be poised, prepared and yet totally extemporaneous, I will save that rant for another day. 

Bottom line: Doodles have to flow organically. That is why my doodles (although the one below doesn't) often proceed from the material I am listening to. The doodle below is a gnomish fellow with a flamethrower- no relation to the lecture at all. 

FIG. 2 - Gnome-with-a-flamethrower Doodle 

From The Enemy Camp: Words of pseudo-wisdom from a lady on the other side

Dear Sirs, Noble Gentlemen, and Knights in Shining Armor,

It is my pleasure to address you on this exceptional day.  Disclaimer: although I am addressing you from the “enemy camp” and can, after many years of experience  (i.e. late-night ice cream talks) provide an accurate view of the female mind, I cannot claim insight to every female mind. Such ability would require divine intervention.

So… the question hovering before all your eyes is: “Why?”

“Why on earth does she like that shlub?” “Why do they care about mascara?” “Why doesn’t she realize that I like her?” “Why is door-holding such a big deal?” “Why is chocolate like a drug?”

Yes. We women come with quite a few question marks—some perplexing, some obvious, some as of yet hidden and unknown to man. Let’s address the first one, shall we? What are we looking for when it comes to men? What do we want? To touch the tip of that iceberg today, I will address several misconceptions. Possible further conversations are at the mercy of these fine gentlemen.

Women want a man who is tall,

False. Tallness is completely arbitrary. If you are a midget—rally. Women don’t care if you’ve touched six feet, or gone toe-to-toe with Shaq. We care whether or not we can wear our favorite shoes when we are with you, and not look like the gorilla Homo-sapien of the duo.

dark,

False. Darkness is unnecessary. If you are a purebred albino, you still have a chance at truelove. (Maybe with a sunscreen rep, but still… you have a chance). The average woman cares more for your eye/hair combo than your swarthy appearance. Should you be freckle-y and redheaded, but have shockingly green eyes—bemoan not your freckles. They only serve to make us love your eyes more.

and handsome.

This one is true. Every woman wants a handsome man. But don’t bury your pug nose into your misshapen hands and moan. Women are not like men in their definition of “handsome.” You can be a complete dog (true!), but still have a drop-dead gorgeous woman claim you as a “hottie.”

Let me explain. The details of your appearance are not the determiners of our attraction. This explains the couples you see in every town, city, state, and nation. Next time you sip a cup o’ joe in your favorite java spot, take a look at the couples around you. How many are equal in attractiveness? How many adoring women are hanging on the arms of men, far inferior in appearance? Lots, right? How many Pierce Brosnan men are sweet-talking completely dog-faced women? Not so many.

It’s because the first thing we, as women, are attracted to is your general demeanor. Should you be intelligent—cite your most interesting facts. Witty—break out your banter. Quiet—listen intensely. Focus on her. Not yourself. Never forget that your service and thoughtfulness will serve you far better than six feet of solid manhood, dark swarthy skin, and ruggedly proportioned features. Remember her favorite latte (skim milk, no foam, extra hot, added shot, caramel macchiato) and you have an in. Listen to yet another “horrible hair cut” story, and you’re golden. Maximize your character’s best assets, and you will find a lady who finds you very handsome… despite your midget height and albino complexion.

Best of luck from the enemy camp,

Lady C.

The Daily Doodle

The authors of this blog have been contemplating adding this section for a while, but due to an inordinate amount of procrastination no action was taken. Since it is a beautiful afternoon and my mind is working at its tip top, I have finally decided to publish The Daily Doodle. 

Let me take a moment to explain why doodles matter. While every man should aspire to be a model of self-control and attentiveness, The Men of The Man Blog understand that aspiring and being are two different things. There are some moments when attention slips or restraint fails and in those moments maintaining the appearance of self-control is invaluable. Doodles are a great way to appear to be engaged and alert. So while doodles are not the epitome of manliness, they are part of the journey to manliness.

FIG 1. - Guy-blowing-up-other-guy's-head doodle

The Second Face

This afternoon I was strolling down Park Avenue talking to my older brother, who is in town for the week. We’ve walked all over the city in the past few days. In fact, if I were to keep up this kind of trekking, I would probably go through several pairs of walking shoes every month.


While we have been walking the last couple of days my brother and I have briefly discussed the topic of shoes- not for longer than five minutes at a time of course. Any longer than five minutes and any guy risks entering the danger zone. Even over the summer, when I was working construction, my coworkers and I never talked about work boots for more than three minutes.


While men are not allowed to discuss footwear in detail, it is necessary for every man to knowledgeable about shoes. Shoes are a very important part of any first impression, and they can communicate quite a lot of information.


EXAMPLE: While my brother and I were walking back from Central Park today there was a man who came toward us on the sidewalk. He was in a group of young professional men. The whole group was totally homogeneous. Every guy looked like all the others. Except this one guy, let’s call him “Keith.” With every stride Keith put forward a light brown lace-up. The leather was polished and clean. The shoe was nicely stitched but not ostentatious. In an instant, this man, Keith, was set apart from the rest of his group.


Your shoes are your “second face.” They are the place a person pauses when looking you up, down, and then up again. A shabby pair of lace-ups can ruin the nicest suit. However, the opposite is also true. As our friend Keith demonstrated, your shoes can set you apart. In fact, the only things that set Keith apart were his shoes.


In closing, do not confuse my intentions in this post. I am by no means advocating expanding your shoe collection or turning into some fashion-crazed metro. God forbid. All I am trying to say is that shoes shouldn’t be ignored. All the men that read this blog now have immunity to go shoe shopping- in a manly and brief fashion. It’s okay. Go buy yourself a good pair of wingtips.


HISTORICAL NOTE: In ancient Rome, the soldiers wore very distinctive sandals. They had to be very well constructed for long marches, but they also served another purpose. Every soldier’s sandals had nails driven through the sole to provide traction on treacherous terrain, but the nails also made a loud clicking noise when the soldiers marched on paved roads or rocky terrain. As legions of soldiers marched on a city the nails would strike the ground in unison. Each soldier’s sandals clicking as he marched. All the soldiers marching together would create a thunderous noise with each step. Shoes were a part of Roman warfare. They matter.

Don't Hate the Game, Read the Rule Book

Once upon a time, a knight in shining armor received summons to rescue a princess. After he rescued her, they fell in love and lived happily ever after. Years later, another young knight set out to rescue a princess and realized that he had two damsels to save rather than one! Injustice? Possibly, yet fate was not nearly so just to a different knight who had to climb up a rope of human hair, nor to another who rescued his charge and received no loving gratitude at all. Rather, the former faced the wrath of a witch and the latter was forced to flee the government (and take refuge in a recently vacated swamp with a few snails an overly talkative ass). Misfortune? Hardly. Yet something engendered such changes; every effect has a cause at its roots.

Gentlemen, clearly the game has changed.

Your mandate used to consist of the pursuit of true love, fighting off the dragons, vanquishing competing suitors, and settling down in a castle on a few hundred acres of prime real estate. However, in today’s world, men must forget both dragons and real estate (let’s face it, either market is hardly cheery), leaving only competing suitors and finding a true love. While the reader may not believe in love at all, competing suitors are a very harsh reality.

How can you defy gravity and rise among the masses to win the heart of a distant hope? What must you do to be the only dragon-slayer on your block?

Men, much as Taylor Swift sings about such things, game is not the dark grey shirts you wear or the suave you employ. Furthermore, there is definitely not going to be any magic in the air if you make your appearance sporting Affliction’s latest collection and string of puka shells while spouting pickup lines. Fortunately, every disease has a cure, and the following hints are exactly what the doctor prescribed.

1) Wit is the voice of style. Humor gets her every time, a well-placed joke gets you a second date, and there’s a reason Andy Samberg gets Kirsten Dunst and Natalie Portman in the same year. It’s no secret that the guy who can drink the most, flirt the fastest, and drop more pickup lines in a minute will never ever get anywhere worth going. They’re a dime a dozen and women – especially ones worth your time – are looking for something much more (most gravitate towards sparkling personalities and dashing good looks.) 

Curiously, the most interesting man in the world does not look like Brad Pitt. Not all of us have the capabilities of the former, or of Mr. Samberg, but make her laugh often enough and she is yours. Your distinctive wit gives you a distinctive flavor. Perfect it until it becomes a taste she cannot resist.

2) Take genuine interest in the princess, but also make sure your Fiona takes interest in you. There are few things more wretched than a man who continues to pursue a girl that pays no attention to him whatsoever. The short list of lesser beings includes the whipped, the bro, and The Situation. Yes, she may be the only girl for you, but after countless strikeouts, clearly you’re low on her list of priorities. If you want to earn back your self-respect, take a breather. Get her off of your mind, enjoy the life of a man, and jump back into the tide when you feel called to do so. No pressure.

Men, if you are breathing and you have a pulse, life is good. Observing these two simple rules will catapult you towards your lady before you know it, saving you considerable amounts of time and cash along the way. Yes, the goal is to find a true love, but the goal is also to get hitched to one helluva camper. There are tried and true methods of winning over four bedroom motor-homes with a built-in garage, but take care to recognize the changing nature of the game. Above all, always read the rule book first. 

Godspeed,

MOTMB

So Your Flight Was Cancelled... Again

Struggles define a man. The trials and tribulations he endures throughout his life will leave the greatest impressions on his character. When a guy finally takes off his boots, sits back in the chair on his porch, and lights up a cigar to settle into his eccentric and peculiarly exciting retirement, he’ll look back on misadventures and realize that most of what he knows was learned during adversarial times. Maybe he’ll even chuckle once or twice, and, at very least, be able to wildly exaggerate the entire experience into a fascinating story about a scar which he actually got while slicing baby carrots (I kid you not, they are surprisingly hard to cut without turning them into projectiles.)

Today’s men don’t face tough times with the same resolve as we used to. I don’t know if tight jeans have squeezed the manliness out of them or simply caused poor circulation, but most men quaver with fear at the smallest bump in the road. Fifty years ago, guys our age had just finished fighting the Nazis. Now days it's not uncommon to hear a conversation such as the following among men in our society: “Oh my Gawd! It’s sunny outside today and I have to walk all 10 blocks to work! I would have used my SPF 15 facial moisturizer instead of regular today if I had known. What if I start to sweat?? Ugh! And I’m wearing black. Totally unflattering to my fairtastic complexion in direct sun!” Modern men: this is not a crisis as much as it’s a gender identity issue you have because you spent too much time idolizing Madonna as a child rather than digging holes in your back yard so you could hide the small animal you just hunted from your dad.

So man up. Next time troubles come lurking, look them square in the eyes, and dare them to blink. Just make sure before you go to draw that you didn’t bring a Pixie stick to a gun fight. The point is to learn, not to die. You need to make sure before you try to beat the odds, you can survive the odds beating you.

Enter The Man Blog. We’re here to make sure that when troubles descend upon you like locust from hell, we’ve equipped you with enough Raid to take care of them all… like a man. Stock these following lessons on your garage shelves next to your tools and use copiously when needed.

Today, many find themselves frequently traveling in their continual pursuit of perfect manhood. For all of the blessings it’s brought, air travel has bestowed one drooling monster of a curse on man: flight cancelation.

Nothing ruins a trip and throws off your mojo faster than than when you’ve been delayed all day, only to wind up in a strange airport further away from your destination when you started. Now you face the bleak prospect of spending the night in the airport surrounded by hundreds of snarling stranded fellow passengers, how do you survive? Put simply, read on. The MOTMB will show you how to become king of your departure gate’s Hooverville in minutes.

RULE # 1 – Always carry $25 in any denomination of small bills.

·      This is sufficient to sustain you overnight from vending machine food with enough extra to trade with the natives. Try to avoid coins, they fall out of pockets easily and make you feel guilty if you have to refuse someone bumming for a Coke. Also, keep your bills in different pockets of your suit, no more than $5 in each. Spreading cash out like this gives off the appearance that you indeed do have a limited amount, making bargain hunters more likely to keep prices low.

RULE # 2 – Always wear a suit.

·      First Class? Yes please! Is what you will be saying when you rock a suit into the terminal. Imagine you’re King Henry V of England. How do people know you’re the King? You wear a crown. Imagine you’re competing with 100 other people for the last seat on a flight. Why does the lady behind the desk chose you? Because you’re wearing a suit and it’s 5:30AM. Enough said. The suit also doubles as a psychological weapon, fighting off potential claim jumpers trying to steal your outlet.

RULE # 3 – Never travel without desirable snacks.

·      This is probably the most important of them all. Example: on a recent trip cancelations were bad and flights were rough, we lost a lot of good men on that trip. I’m in a holding pattern over Charlotte S.C. for 45 minutes (for the second time that night) and I need something to drink before I lose my mind, but my cash is gone. What do I do? Thankfully I planned ahead. I was able to barter the Trefoil Girl Scout cookies I purchased earlier for a rum and coke. Cost of cookies: $3.50. Rum and Coke: $7. Not a bad return on the investment. Take note that Hershey’s chocolate bars are also worth their weight in gold in these situations. 

RULE # 4 – Carry an intelligent book to read.

·      A friend of mine uses Machiavelli's Prince, but any book on philosophy or economic theory will do. This shows those around you that you’re sophisticated and not one to be messed with. If the situation gets real messy, it can always be used as fuel for fire.

RULE # 5 – Always stay equable.

·      Nothing should make you lose your cool, even if it’s clear you’re surrounded by incompetence. No matter what happens, you should be able to laugh it off, or at least muster up a good smirk. As documented by personal experience, particularly grueling days of traveling end at 1AM, with the plane being evacuated on the tarmac because flames began shooting out of the belly. If this were a movie, I’d be laughing; why not try to do it now?

RULE # 6 – If all else fails, don’t be afraid to get creative.

·      If I had a dime for every time an airline ruined dinner plans with my girlfriend - at which I had intended to propose - or a meeting with investors that I was late for, I could buy my own jet. Be mindful, however, that such statements are only believable when coming from a man in a suit. Creativity won’t always get you a flight, but it’s normally good for food vouchers at the very least.

Where Have All the Wingmen Gone?

Traditions and folklore passed down from days of yore have taught us many things: moss always grows on the north side of trees, cows lie down before it rains, frogs don’t run in the daytime for nothing, there was bloodshed the night before a red dawn, pirates won’t chase a dirty ship, the toilets flush the opposite way below the equator - I digress. 

One of the most sacred traditions passed down is that of the Wingman. The Wingman is a concept as old as stones, and one that should not be taken lightly. This tradition stands head and shoulders above all others that have been given to us from the past. Glory’s trail has been blazed not by the lone wolf, but by two men, brothers in arms valiantly beating the odds. Gilgamesh had his Enkido, the Lion had his Mouse, Lewis his Clark, Sinatra had Martin, and Batman would be nowhere without Alfred Pennyworth.

The only problem with Wingmen is they’re hard to find. It’s pretty common to find yourself in the O.K. Coral but it’s not every day that you’ll have a Doc Holiday with you. Why is this? The answer should be obvious: The Wingman almost never gets the girl, fame, or whatever it is you’re searching for. Robin dresses in only underwear and when was the last time you saw Rizzo the Rat out on the town with Miss Piggy? No one wants this job. The difficulty lies in finding someone willing to make you look good at all costs.

Look for these traits in prospective Wingmen. If you can get a lock on someone that demonstrates the below qualities, you’ll avoid ending up Goose.

#1 - Loyalty:

·      There’s nothing more important than this. You need a Wingman that is willing to die for you when the situation calls. If it’s about to hit the fan, your Wingman better not split. Make sure you’re willing to do the same for him.

#2 – Understand the Same Language:

·      Forget English, your Wingman should be able to communicate telepathically with you.

#3 – Know the Buzzwords 

·      Buzzwords are useful. They should be references to common experiences or personal interests. For instance, my buddies and I can completely describe a girl using nothing other than stock trading and banking terminology. Bullish? Damn straight.

#4 – Work a Crowd

·      Everyone has an opening act. Bands, monster truck rallies, even Stephen Colbert. Why shouldn’t you have one too? Enter Wingman. Just be sure he’s not funnier than you. If he is, time to start your search over again.

#5 – He Pumps You Up

·      Sometimes you need a coach and a motivator. Your Wingman should be able to pump you up and pull you out of a slump. He needs to be able to provide an outside perspective on what’s going on and tell you when to take on a target or sit the next few plays out.

Don’t even think about going through life without a good Wingman, you’ll be lost. If it's good enough for fighter pilots it should be good enough for you. You need someone to provide you with strategic intelligence to help you navigate rocky terrain. He’s like a coach: you’re better at the game than him, but someone has to provide strategy and keep you together.

When all else fails, remember: The only thing you owe the public is a good performance, so give it to 'em. 

Staying Razor-Sharp

A battle seethes within the very veins of humankind.

Our fight began the day we first bought a razor, and it will continue until the day we buy the last. Men engage in an innate struggle against the corporate giants, physical terrors, commercial traps, and emotional reality. In the worst scenarios, we encounter and must conquer several of these dodgy obstacles - say emotion and materialism - in chorus. Under such duress, it is tempting to develop an “us versus them” mentality. Brethren everywhere withdraw to their respective man-caves, cut relational ties, and reinforce what they deem as ever so important contact with the Xbox 360 and 1080p reality.

This is the wrong reaction. Though everything may seem simpler in a world where you can breathe fire and defuse weapons of mass destruction, you will incur severe social debilitation. While you may incapacitate your virtual enemies, fast-forming habits are rapidly incapacitating you.

What can you do to stay razor-sharp? For starters, instead of cranking up your surround sound and stocking up on Code Red, you must learn some man-skills to assist in your navigation of the wiles of the world. If you do not, you will end up with this guy’s love life and Morgan Spurlock’s lifespan. Regardless, taking after them and serving a girl Mountain Dew and Golden Grahams will effectively destroy any chances you have, even when the odds are in your favor. The MOTMB are here to assist you in training to turn your emotional, physical, and corporate game around. Learn these lifelong habits and before you know it, you will encounter success in the workplace, the wilderness, and society.

1. First, realize when enough is enough. Vital? Infinitely so. Whether you are charming a lady, applying cologne, or quantifying the amount of purple in your wardrobe, the rule remains appropriate. It’s simple, yet often overlooked. Nobody likes the incessant flirt with enough scent to fill the women’s department at Macy’s. Don’t apply too much seasoning to a Kobe beef burger and don’t wear excessive man jewelry.

2. Read. Women find nothing more attractive than a man who can reference Shakespeare, Rousseau, and Proverbs in the same sentence. More importantly, thinking about more than your immediate surroundings will change your life dramatically. Try taking a hiatus from the usual routine in favor of a few pages of intellectual discourse – both your mind and your female admirers will approve.

3. Develop your cooking ability. A man who knows his way around the kitchen is one with the ability to charm a lady, fend off hunger, and impress his friends. It is for you to decide which of these is more valuable, but I think that all men will agree that each has substantial value. Culinary ability works wonders in nearly every situation; simultaneously build your palate and social talent.

4. Engage your aesthetic appreciation in a masculine manner. Art and beauty are incessantly misconstrued in modern culture as feminine and foppish by nature. Do not let this lie hinder your exploration of creative expression; fine art takes talent and developing a working understanding of the basics is well worth your time.

5. Drink coffee. Let’s face it, 60% of dates involve Starbucks, and nothing says weakling like a Vanilla Bean Frappuchino. If your accompanying female is ordering a more robust blend of caffeine than you, something is wrong. As opportunities arise, sample strong coffee and learn to love it.

6. Lengthen your attention span. Once upon a time, we were all infants plagued by the inability to focus for more than eleven seconds. However, at this point in our lives, we should have surpassed the intellect of the mighty goldfish. If you can hold conversation, you’re on your way to victory.

7. Learn to shoot a gun. This is an essential rite of manhood. This is constantly referenced on nearly every list of manly skills because it is a necessary release of testosterone. It makes the MOTMB’s list because it puts hair on your chest and deepens your voice. It's as simple as that.

Your relationship you’re your Xbox is a dead end, and, if you are honest with yourself, you probably already know that the twelve packs of soda are taking years off of your life. Each of these seven skills mentioned above is a necessary facet of a functional man. Remember, societal ideal, with all its Gucci-laden glamour, is not your goal. Break their rules, set the pace, and you will win the battle.

Godspeed,

MOTMB

Garnish, Garlic, and Game - Murphy's Law and Your Dinner Plans

63.8% of men end up in relationships because they don't know how to handle dinner situations.


Mealtime can be a veritable minefield. For some reason unknown to the author of this post, dinner holds special significance in our culture. Women, as usual, have a hand in this. The phrase "going out for dinner" is often interchangeable with the word "date" in modern day lady-language.


With girls hunting for dates, and dinnertime a popular stalking ground, men have to be careful. Although going out with women who you aren't interested in to grab a bite around dinner time is unavoidable, you can be prepared. While this process of preparation is worthy of its own weighty tome, the basics can be boiled down to five tips for avoiding danger at dinner.


Tip #1 : Food is everything.
Stay away from French food! French cooking immediately sets off a woman's "date alarm." Anything fried is usually a pretty safe bet. Also, if it makes your breath smell bad (e.g. garlic, onions, anything spicy), go for it. I know there is a school of thought that says sloppy foods should be added to this list, however, the goal is not to make yourself look like a neanderthal while you eat. Your main objective is to subtly but effectively communicate that you are not interested.


Tip #2 : Time matters. 
General rule, guys: The sun is your friend. An evening dinner (after the sun has already set) at a candle-lit restaurant will surely be interpreted as a date. A dinner at the same place before the sun dips below the horizon can still be casual. For some reason evening/night activities mean more to women. I'm sorry I can't explain many of the things I am saying men, but it is all true. Women, like Australian football, will never be completely understood.


Tip #3 : Don't share food. 
This one should be obvious guys. As soon as you share anything with a girl, she will assume you are willing to share everything. A big plate of spaghetti, if kept to yourself, is delicious- when shared it's a disaster. Sharing isn't always bad, although sharing an entree is always riskier than sharing a side. However, the guiding principle for these tips is better safe than sorry.


Tip #4 : Seating is key.
A table with chairs is pretty straightforward: just sit across from the woman. It's a pretty neutral move. The only way a lady can read anything into this seating arrangement is by over-analyzing and misconstruing the situation (although women are prone to this, there is nothing you can do about it). Booths are where most problems arise- especially the semi-circular ones. When confronted with a semi-circular booth, just assume the same protocol as if you were sitting in a chair. Sit opposite the lady.


Tip #5 : Never forget Murphy's Law. 
This is a good thing for men to remember all the time. When it comes to women, you have to accept that you can never really understand them. You will never be able to perfectly predict them. A place that you think is completely immune from being considered a date spot (a truck stop filled with fried-chicken-devouring-100%-"Amurrican" men) may just be- to her- the most romantic place she's ever been. Sometimes women are just plain irrational. Accept that.


Don't let women hijack your dinner time, men.

Passage to Manhood

What do the Epic of Gilgamesh, the Iliad, the story of King David, and Les Miserables have in common? Each of these grand accounts is listed as one of Time Magazine’s top ten stories of all time, because each follows a young adolescent throughout his journey to become a bona fide man. The journey is essential. Like the rituals of tribal nations and the marriages of primitive civilizations, every character embodies the symbolic passage from childhood to the world of men as he embarks on a visionary quest to discover himself and return as a complete being.

Members of the male sex, you too must become men. When pondering the qualities you share with these historic giants - other than bulging calves and a luscious beard - you must first take into account several qualifying elements that define the very essence of manhood.

1. Act honorably. I’d like to skip straight to humorous links and possibly an embedded YouTube video of outrageous, manly facial hair, but this common trait of true men around the world is far more important than such trivial issues. If you wish to pursue such lofty aims as unadulterated manhood, I suggest you begin here. Honor, or honesty, fairness, and integrity, is as essential to authentic gentlemen as a healthy dose of testosterone. Even oral traditions from eras long silent identify a man’s intrinsic worth with his word (the verbal representation of fidelity.) In today’s culture, honor is a word not spoken often enough and one rarely dwelt upon. Semper Fi.

2. Do not bathe. Be hygienic, but stick to the shower. How many baths does it take to emasculate a member of our community? Judging from the pruned condition of the skin and presence of conditioner in the bubble bath – one. A quick shower is infinitely more fulfilling than soaking in so-called self-indulgent comfort. Lavender, whether a scent or a color, should never be a part of your daily routine.

3. Make sacrifices. Anyone can take the wide road to praise; it takes true character to give up selfish ambitions. Do women value more a man with an apartment that smells of rich mahogany or the man who sacrifices his life for his country? Sure, if they could have both, no decision would be necessary, but men rarely come in such variety. Do not give up total control, but always remember to defend the weak. At the very least, giving up yourself for a lady friend during an intense game of Risk will display your true values.

4. Develop a robust vocabulary. Men should never use words like “outfit” or “fabulous”; instead, describe things (especially clothing) with timeless terms like “cool” and “great”.These adjectives may be simple, but simple is efficient. Word choice can convey a surprisingly vast range of implications and you want to send the manliest of these. Furthermore, upgrading your vocal expressions to include “resilient”, “torque”,  “Favre”, and the like will change the way you relate to others and the way you view yourself.

5. Finally, be courageous. When there’s a roach on the floor, kill it. If there’s a heavy box to lift, move it. When a lady enters the room, bravely relinquish your seat for the floor. Culture tells us to go with the safest option, but where’s the honor in that? If you spend your days cowering in fear, you will become the Buster Bluth of society and kiss your dreams goodbye.

In short - Go for the gold.

Olympians never stop at the silver medal, and Shaun White isn’t satisfied with a second place game. The USA never aims for anything else, and neither should you. Glory, splendor, honor, and magnificence – gentlemen this is your goal. True, the essence of manhood lies in many secrets, but you must commence somewhere. Starting with these five rules, build a mindset that is focused on taking charge. Men, by simply initiating your search you will immediately distinguish yourself from the endless crowds of lackluster, broken-hearted, effeminate, lip-glossed, soy-drinking adolescents that currently define our sex.

Godspeed,

MOTMB