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What Is in Jason Statham's Garbage?



Men, the time has come to man-up and do what it takes. Society wants us to do the dishes, wear pink, and listen to Celine Dion.... at the same time.

This is wrong.

The Man Blog is here to right these wrongs and give men everywhere an alternative to a life spent as a weakling.

Imagine: If you went through Jason Statham's garbage, what would you find? Probably a few empty bullet casings, a castaway pair of numchucks, an endorsement contract with BMW, Cuban cigars that didn't meet his standards, and the occasional '84 Bordeaux.

In my experience, such items never come in pink.

So go ahead. Wear that shirt, wash those dishes, but change the oil in your car and go to the shooting range to make up for it. Take a page out of Scott Brown's book and get named the Sexiest Man Alive and run for Senate. If it seems rugged, undeniably masculine, and violent, don't let society drain your virility. Maybe someday your garbage will reek of fine wines and enemies vanquished.



Godspeed, Brothers.

2.25.2010

Fast Track to a Little Self-Respect

Yesterday, I encountered a grave problem in the world of men.

As I was tackling some intense theoretical math, I was alerted to the presupposition that some think that our essence is “looking good and eating barbeque.” 


This is false.

Our modern culture defines “manliness” as the exhibition of activities that are specific to our sex, and often emphasizes the most vulgar of these. The MOTMB are here to tell you that, while this may be manliness, manhood entails much more than such essential, yet misleading activities.

The barbeque has long been heralded as the domain of man, and rightfully so; any glistening stainless steel surface that weathers scorching heat, braves the charcoal flames, and holds sixteen ounces of tastefully prepared pure red meat should belongs a male. Yet in these situations, we are portrayed as such base animals that even the mention of similar pursuits evokes callous images like this.

What can we do to rectify the situation?

Have some self-respect! Try to think like a man and, chances are, you'll actually be one in no time at all. Make just a few basic changes to your barbeque technique, apply them to the rest of your life, and you can become the man you want to be with the flip of a steak.

1. Do NOT wear an apron. You will look absurd. Sure, they may be timeless, but they’re not meant for guys. You’re either going to be walking around in a piece of cloth that resembles a dress, or you’re going to be tying and untying a bow every two minutes. For those who aren’t following, that’s a lose-lose situation. Man up, take a chance. No woman can condemn you for taking a walk on the wild side and risking collision with a rogue drop of barbeque sauce. At the very least, do us all a favor and make sure it doesn’t say, this.

2. Use a recipe. Ok, maybe it doesn't have to be that detailed, but have some idea of what you're doing before you begin. It may be adventurous to fly by the seat of your pants, but is it adventurous to spend the afternoon listening to your stomach growl? I’ll let you be the judge.

3. Don’t rely on your internal timer. It’s flawless when it’s counting down to the newest issue of Motor Trend, but the steak and your ego demand a little more respect.

4. Finally, get creative. Follow the rules above, and then make it interesting! There are two types of picnics: Church picnics and good picnics. Which one would you take a woman to? Keep it classy and a touch crazy.

Are the above rules an unforgivable generalization about barbeque technique? Probably. Do they embody a solid core of truth? Absolutely. Men, we are here to change the way you do business with a world that takes our behavior for granted.  Think outside of the box and apply these rules to every aspect of your life.

Stereotypes exist because we have done nothing to combat them. Every picture from this article came from the first page of an image search for man. This is unacceptable. From this point forward, take your barbeque etiquette and your game to new levels, while doing your best to destroy such obscene and sordid falsehood.

Godspeed,

MOTMB 

3 comments:

  1. Though I would agree that manliness is a lost virtue in need of recovery, I feel Jason Stratham is a terrible example of masculinity. He's all testosterone. Chivalry and other pertinent parts of manliness, found in people Like Jesus Christ, Socrates, Churchill, George Washington, George Washington Carver, and George bush (I'm kidding), have a sort of negation of testosterone. consider Washingtons 107th rule of Civility: "Be not angry at the table whatever happens & if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humor makes one dish of meat a feast."

    Washington's countenance was something that struck respect into nearly everyone he encountered. there is so much more to manliness than adrenaline and posh. With that being said, I don't bash the site, I think it's needed, but Men need manly examples; Stratham isn't manly. All the traits of Stratham described at the top could also be the traits of a pimp, drug lord, or damned wife beater; some of the furthest things from true masculinity.

    ps. This may seem tenuous or trite, but don;t Butchers and field medics wear aprons? And didn't Spartans, legionaries and Scottish warrior wear things akin to dresses? Just a prodding thought.

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  2. Ray Davison27.2.10

    Kilts should never be considered akin to dresses.

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  3. I was raised on the church potluck, and I give a hearty "Amen!" to your point about the difference between church picnics and real picnics.

    Furthermore, truly good barbeque, especially steak, does indeed deserve every bit of care possible, especially timing properly.

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