Brethren,
A storm approaches our fair shores.
I am not referring to the droves of locust-like tourist that crowd our streets, or the Hollister graphic tees that blind our eyes. Despite the dire situation caused by the aforementioned social illnesses, this storm is taking lives at a far greater pace, striking with a much higher mortality rate.
As the end of spring nears, we must address this casualty in our midst. In times of such trouble, any loss can prove catastrophic; this is no exception.
Gentlemen, this killer is the ‘man-pri’.
Men in our fair city – and around the nation – are taking their European-inspired metrosexuality for a spin, donning an overly long pair of tight shorts or extremely short khakis that resemble women’s capris, and shamelessly flaunting their pale ankles. In summary, our brothers resemble our old nemesis as they cruise the streets of the city in search of a clueless woman that will mistake their miserable mishaps as a "fashion-forward" statement.
We must end such atrocities. The murder of manhood cannot be tolerated.
But what can the average Joe do to save his country? He must destroy every victim. Kill the manpris, before they kill you. Shop for yourself, even when your significant other offers her advice. Above all, wear manly shorts. Don’t hesitate in the limbo between trousers and their cool-minded cousins! If you choose to show your ankles, present the world with the entirety your God-given leg hair! Take hold of your time to shine and live to win this summer.
I realize that the brevity of this post may shock readers hoping for sharp, witty, anecdotes or sage wisdom. However, touching stories and cheap laughs come second to these horrific tragedies. Stay strong.
Godspeed,
MOTMB
The Manliest of American sports has third leg pants, The founding fathers, including that stud from NY--John Jay--wore knickers, and Huck Fin--the American ideal for a Boy becoming a man--are examples of men with pants that don't quite make it. Cyclist have to roll up a leg to keep it from getting in a chain and skateboarders do the same to get adequate movement while still protecting themselves from the mild road-rash they'd get if the spilled. Third leg pants can be manly. Not all are, but they can be.
ReplyDeleteThere is a distinct difference between the "Third Leg Pants" you speak of and the knickers of the past. Knickers were worn for function, as the streets were muddy and a new pair of socks was cheaper than a new pair of pants.
ReplyDeleteAnd Huckfin... although his adventures are close to an epic scale, he hardly manifests the manly qualities so highly valued by the Man Blog. And I won't even comment on the skateboarders.
So suffice it to say, "Third Leg Pants" should not be in a man’s wardrobe.