"No man is an island"
-John Donne
There comes a time in every man's life when he needs help. The portrait of "real men" that depicts them as lone wolves- angry and maladjusted- is wrong. Every great man surrounds himself with other great men. David had his mighty men, Jason his Argonauts, Arthur his knights.
A while ago The Men of The Man Blog published a short article on the importance of wingmen. Every man needs a wingman, this is axiomatic. Wingmen only operate in the heat of battle though. When the dust settles and Maverick walks away from his F-14 Tomcat, the wingman's job ends. The battle is over.
In those breaks between battles Man Councils are essential. A Man Council usually consists of three or four guys who give each other advice. Man Councils are usually intentional, occurring at mealtimes or during other manly activities (e.g. war movies, working out, coffee and a donut). Man Councils never happen without some other activity going on as well. Guys don't get together to just "talk." Man Councils are not support groups. They are meant to solve problems while preserving other productive undertakings.
During the Man Council there is no fixed structure for the dialogue. Structure is the fast track to disaster. Structure fosters the "support group mentality" that strangles manliness and stifles genuine conversation. Man Councils are not about "sharing," they are about finding the root of the problem and fixing it.
Some of you may say, "But, Men of The Man Blog!!! Sharing is good! It helps us expose our deepest struggles and fears."
You are wrong.
Sharing is not focused. Sharing opens the floodgates of irrelevant information, dousing listeners in a veritable torrent of emotion and psycho-babble. Man Councils are focused. One problem. One solution. One of the members doesn't know what to do. The other members pool their collective knowledge and give him an answer.
Emotion is not weakness. I hope we have made that clear on this blog. The problem is that emotion often gets in the way of problem solving. The point of a Man Council is to help a man in the thick of a problem step outside of his circumstances and view his situation objectively. Emotion can blur this objectivity and hamper the effectiveness of good advice.
David, Jason, and Arthur all needed their soldiers by their sides because they could not win their battles on their own. Nor could they have won them with just a single man at their side. Sometimes a man needs more help. Lone wolves are just that: lonely creatures that most people are scared of. If you are set on being a wolf, get a wolf pack. Surround yourself with quality gentlemen, men who know you, men who are willing to be honest with you and seek the best for you.
As the proverb says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
I would amend this to say, "As a bench grinder sharpens iron, so a Man Council sharpens a man."
Every man needs a Man Council.
Great point about emotion. As the great Rocco once said life is hard, and men were made to do things that were hard. Today men sit around and whine about their emotions, but "real men hide their emotions. Why? Because it's none of your business."
ReplyDeleteI think that's ridiculous. There's no reason that men shouldn't be able to talk about their emotions. It's part of being a socially healthy individual. Whoever wrote this article is crocked and whoever commented needs help.
ReplyDeleteAnd who is Rocco anyway??
I think whoever wrote this blog is a genius. I heard a lot about this blog, but it was only until just now that I visited. I was immediately drawn to knowledge, inspiration, and man sustenance that seeps out of every post. I'm ashamed to say that I used to wax my chest. Now this was only done because I was told by a young lady that it was attractive. Well I can proudly say that I haven't waxed my chest since the fall, and under recent inspiration from this blog, I'm throwing away the rest of the wax strips tonight. I still have a lot of schoolwork to do tonight, and I'm probably gonna spend more time reading this blog before I even start, but I won't regret a minute of it. You Men keep up the good work.
ReplyDelete