Traditions and folklore passed down from days of yore have taught us many things: moss always grows on the north side of trees, cows lie down before it rains, frogs don’t run in the daytime for nothing, there was bloodshed the night before a red dawn, pirates won’t chase a dirty ship, the toilets flush the opposite way below the equator - I digress.
One of the most sacred traditions passed down is that of the Wingman. The Wingman is a concept as old as stones, and one that should not be taken lightly. This tradition stands head and shoulders above all others that have been given to us from the past. Glory’s trail has been blazed not by the lone wolf, but by two men, brothers in arms valiantly beating the odds. Gilgamesh had his Enkido, the Lion had his Mouse, Lewis his Clark, Sinatra had Martin, and Batman would be nowhere without Alfred Pennyworth.
The only problem with Wingmen is they’re hard to find. It’s pretty common to find yourself in the O.K. Coral but it’s not every day that you’ll have a Doc Holiday with you. Why is this? The answer should be obvious: The Wingman almost never gets the girl, fame, or whatever it is you’re searching for. Robin dresses in only underwear and when was the last time you saw Rizzo the Rat out on the town with Miss Piggy? No one wants this job. The difficulty lies in finding someone willing to make you look good at all costs.
Look for these traits in prospective Wingmen. If you can get a lock on someone that demonstrates the below qualities, you’ll avoid ending up Goose.
#1 - Loyalty:
· There’s nothing more important than this. You need a Wingman that is willing to die for you when the situation calls. If it’s about to hit the fan, your Wingman better not split. Make sure you’re willing to do the same for him.
#2 – Understand the Same Language:
· Forget English, your Wingman should be able to communicate telepathically with you.
#3 – Know the Buzzwords
· Buzzwords are useful. They should be references to common experiences or personal interests. For instance, my buddies and I can completely describe a girl using nothing other than stock trading and banking terminology. Bullish? Damn straight.
#4 – Work a Crowd
· Everyone has an opening act. Bands, monster truck rallies, even Stephen Colbert. Why shouldn’t you have one too? Enter Wingman. Just be sure he’s not funnier than you. If he is, time to start your search over again.
#5 – He Pumps You Up
· Sometimes you need a coach and a motivator. Your Wingman should be able to pump you up and pull you out of a slump. He needs to be able to provide an outside perspective on what’s going on and tell you when to take on a target or sit the next few plays out.
Don’t even think about going through life without a good Wingman, you’ll be lost. If it's good enough for fighter pilots it should be good enough for you. You need someone to provide you with strategic intelligence to help you navigate rocky terrain. He’s like a coach: you’re better at the game than him, but someone has to provide strategy and keep you together.
When all else fails, remember: The only thing you owe the public is a good performance, so give it to 'em.
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